Friday, July 21, 2006

Gifts and wrestlings

So, I have one week to finish the final painting for the show in September. I have wondered lately about the link between a gift and the struggle to bring to fruition that gift. One would think that a gift would be easily brought into exercise….easily approached and executed. Why is then, kids, that I struggle so much with the working out of my particular gift yet continue to pursue it? On the average moving toward it, getting in there and bringing forth the manifestation of the thing is a painful experience.

Jeff Buckley, my dear, dear artistic brother, said that the nature of making an album is, "excrutiating…or it’s obsessive because you are dealing with ultimate things. It’s like painting……sound painting." I can so relate to that insight. Once it is over, it’s over. How could it have been created differently, or better….with more impact? These are the places one goes even upon the very last application of color. Or before.

But this trip has been good. I started out with confidence that it wouldn’t work, but I did it ANYWAY. And I have experienced the rare place of joy and peace that comes with knowing what I was created to do. We are all created for a specific purpose but I don’t think many people know what that is. I am tremendously grateful to God to have that knowledge. But I understand that it takes a lot of struggling to work that out in day to day life. When I can get to that center, that place of knowing….man, all the struggle is forth it. Do not be decieved. Your call is not always what comes easily to you. It is often what challenges you the most.

No comments: