Friday, October 28, 2005

dream brother

I don’t want to jump on the Jeff Buckley-mythological-idol-worship- bandwagon and there is a lot of it out there, but I have been revisiting and almost exclusively listening to his music. What little we have of him is exquisite and it moved me to dig a bit. I picked up a book and read it last week and surfed around on the web looking at interviews and articles really trying to learn a bit about his art, the why, what and how of hs motivation to create music. Only natural when you connect with a song, a painting, whatever.

I was struck by the similarities of his philosophy about music, about his art and his comments on his upbringing, especially about his absent father, that we have. At times my eyes would fly open like the words came right out of my mouth. I have said those same things. It was like discovering a brother or something. Weird.
Being raised by a single parent with an absentee parent often creates an ongoing dichotomy of love and hate, of justice and mercy toward that parent that many understand. Jeff seemd to express these feelings. I am with it…right in there. And it can be maddening, too.
Fear of being sucked into the machine as if your work is something to be bought and sold is also a big echo I heard. He never seemed comfortable with the record contract he landed and why should he have been? To be told what and how to do your thing is frightening prospect for anyone who lives in the balance of art and making a living. The tearing between the two aspects is something anyone who moves forward has to face. To be seen as a way to profit is a nightmare to most artist.

I realize that a person is a complex being and is more than a few recorded statements in a lifetime, or in a too short lifetime as is in Jeff’s case, but I certainly feel it….I can feel it in the guts. Those few expressions I have read are poignant and they encourage me. A wonderful and rare ’not alone’ moment.

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